Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
