Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize