Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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