Someone shit on the floor
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
