Midget sex pt 2 tonight
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
