My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
