i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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