i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
