whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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