you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
