why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
