At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
