I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
