Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
