last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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