So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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