i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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