just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
