dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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