there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
