therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
