The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
