whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
