mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
