that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
