South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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