ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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