i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
