I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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