Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
