I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
send nudes
from the living room?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
