I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Vodka?
Forever.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
