her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
