I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
