it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
