I want to have your abortion
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
