Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
