what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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