sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
