we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
