Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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