dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
