Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
