i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize