so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We need a shit load of segways right now
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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