oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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