Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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