Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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