Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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