dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
