WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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