i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
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Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax