I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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