So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
