I think my vagina is haunted
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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