can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
