Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
