did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
