WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How naked do you want me to be?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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