There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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