just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
