Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
