He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
nutella sex= disaster
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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