So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
