Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
