so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
