I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
