Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
