Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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