Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
