battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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