Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
