oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
