apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
