I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
