Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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