he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize