Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
