If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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