Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
