He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
