why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
