her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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