I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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