you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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