found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
